Wasted Heart
by Megaraa
Summary: Based off of a gif by Nikki ( acrimesolow), Seblaine are Mark and Juliet from Love Actually. This fic is a Seblaine pairing, but is about Blaine being with Kurt. It follows the storyline in the film as closely as I could get it.


_**A/N: This is a sad christmas gift to the world, courtesy of Nikki ( ~acrimesolow) and a gif she made about Seblaine. I'm quite proud of this, and I hope you enjoy it. Sorry about any mistakes; it took me hours to write, I'm not spending another hour checking it all through! (I'd link the gif, but FF hates links :()**_

* * *

If you'd have asked Sebastian how he'd be living in five years time when he was in his junior year at Dalton, alone and out of work would not have been his answer. No, he'd have probably said something about being a lawyer for some top end company somewhere, earning loads of money, and never spending a night alone. Only problem was, once he'd got his Masters Degree in Law after graduating from Dalton, he'd already made enough enemies to keep the connections he'd made from employing him just yet. At least his parents paid for the apartment he lived in New York.

He certainly wouldn't have pictured himself standing at Blaine Anderson's wedding and not being the man putting the ring on his finger. No, Sebastian was stood with in wait for Kurt with Blaine as his best man near the front of the room.

"No surprises?" Blaine said, turning his head slightly as they stood facing away from the guests behind them, bobbing on his toes.

Sebastian smiled lightly, but immediately straightened out his expression, looking to his best friend, and affirming, "No surprises." He couldn't get over how stunning Blaine looked, but he supposed he was bound to; it was the day of his marriage, after all. Still, the way that the purple shirt and tie framing his neck, just made his jaw look that tiny bit more perfect, and the jet black of his suit jacket reflected the darker shades of brown in his eyes made Sebastian's breath catch.

"Not like the stag night," Blaine commented, his eyes still aimed forward, the nerves clearly getting to him, due to the lack of smile. Sebastian snorted slightly, memories of the week before flooding him happily. He was glad Blaine had asked him to be his best man and organise it, considering Kurt's 'stag' was more of a 'hen' do, with a spa trip and a fancy cocktail bar. "Do you admit the Brazilian prostitutes were a mistake?" Blaine asked, fighting a small smile.

"I do." Sebastian wanted to suck the words up as soon as he'd let them out, wishing he could've phrased it a little differently. "Though the fact that they turned out to be men was a wonderful accident," he said, his trademark smirk spreading across his face. Blaine couldn't help but laugh, and Seb patted his arm. "Good luck, B," he said reassuringly, unsure whether he was happy to see the sense of relief at his words, or sickened by it. But he allowed Blaine to turn away and watch Kurt arrive as he pulled out his video camera anyway.

* * *

"Ladies and Gentleman, I present to you; Mr Blaine Devon Anderson and Mr Kurt Elizabeth Anderson."

Applause broke out in the church as Kurt and Blaine's turned to one another following the iconic 'you may now kiss', which uninventively omitted the end of 'the bride'. The two kissed lovingly, and surprisingly chastely, and Sebastian was glad he didn't have to clap because he was holding a camera.

Blaine glanced at him as he moved to stand nearer to the priest, camera open. "And you resisted the temptation for surprises?" he questioned, grinning at the taller boy as he linked his fingers with Kurt's, who was turning to see those clapping.

Sebastian snorted, and shrugged his shoulders, replying with a sarcastic; "Yeah, I'm mature now."

They were in an annoyingly ornate church, somewhere that Seb would never have chosen himself, preferring more simplistic things himself, and especially not places with gold decoration, but it had come in handy. As the newlyweds began down the aisle, an arrangement of familiar faces appeared at the balcony wearing old jackets that had been left untouched for a few years too many. Most of those clad in navy blazers had had to have them altered especially for the occasion, with those such as Jon and Jeff having grown so much (Jon in muscle, Jeff in height) since their previous use that they didn't fit without it. Nick, of course, fit snugly into his, and had been terribly smug about the entire thing.

Sebastian raised the camera up to eye level, making sure that his angle got the reunited Warblers in the shot as they began to sing _All You Need Is Love_, stopping Blaine and Kurt in their tracks. Blaine's face lit up immensely, pleased to see his past friends having arrived after a minor freak out earlier that they weren't going to come. _"Kurt, you don't understand. Dalton is how I met you. I need those guys to come," he'd let out in an anxious ramble only hours earlier, as the other guests took their places, and left those spots reserved for some of the ex-Warblers empty. _They grinned down at him, and Sebastian went to give those who were also his friends an approving nod.

"Did you do this?" Blaine asked, moving closer to Kurt with his dazzling smile, and continually glancing up to the balcony.

Kurt's confused expression was an answer enough in itself, but Blaine's eyes were glazed over with happiness, not registering it. "Uh, no?" he said quietly, barely looking away for a second, before they strayed to his husband's face. The two of them turned, looking to Sebastian who smirked, and held his hands up defensively, forgetting about the camera for a second as hazel eyes focused on him. Kurt's eyes narrowed at him, but he smiled all the same, until Hunter stepped out to sing the lead, and the two of them turned back to look up. Sebastian grinned; proud of the work that he and the other past Captain had put into this performance, even if it was for such a dreaded event. The laughter that Blaine elicited when David, Thad and Joshua stood up in the back row to add extra vocals made it more than worth the effort, though. He couldn't actually help but laugh himself, other Warblers popping up all around the room for the duration of the song.

* * *

As Sebastian sat and watched the two of them dance together on the dance floor later on, only a few feet away, he wondered why he was putting himself through the pain of being at this wedding. Blaine Anderson had been a friendship that had hindered him largely on the relationship front. After all, if Seb was in a relationship; that meant the possibility of Blaine breaking up with Kurt and needing a shoulder to cry on would be wasted.

He sighed, fiddling with the top button on his shirt as he kept his camera on the two of them, having captured a ridiculous amount of footage for someone who wanted to wipe this whole ordeal from his memory. Checking the screen to make sure he was filming decently, Seb jumped slightly as a chair scraped the floor beside him, and he quickly shut the gadget, sitting up and looking to the blonde girl who had seated herself beside him.

"Do you love him?" Brittany asked, leaning in rather closer and searching Sebastian's eyes. It was strange to see all of these people from New Directions about, having only seen a couple of them since their school days. After all, everyone was scattered by college and university, but he supposed Kurt was worth a trip to NY in all of their eyes, like Blaine was worth a trip anywhere around the world in his. Well, maybe not quite in the same way.

Sebastian blinked for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts as she stared at him intensely. Britt had never quite had the same personal boundaries as everyone else, and she was clearly suppressing an inappropriate smile as she stared at him, hands smoothing down her silky green dress. "What?" he asked, cringing at his sudden lack of retorts.

She smiled a little, shrugging her shoulders, and glancing to the dance floor "Well, y'know," Britt said all too cheerfully, "I just thought I'd ask. You might want to talk about it or something, considering I'm pretty sure marriage means you have to get rid of those feelings."

Unable to hold back the wince at her words, Sebastian shook his head, and faked laughter, her words burning into him. "No," he said firmly, looking at Blaine for a second, before back to the blonde, who had somehow summoned one of the grotesquely expensive looking finger food items in the brief seconds he looked away to nibble on. "Absolutely not," Seb tacked on, waving his hand about absent-mindedly, as if the question didn't even bother him a little bit.

Almost everyone had guessed that Sebastian had been in love with Blaine from the moment he'd laid eyes on him. He hadn't been great at disguising his feelings for those two years at Dalton, sure, but he'd got a lot of practice over the years. Nobody knew that he still had those feelings, all these years later. Luckily and unsurprisingly; a quick subject change was enough to throw Brittany off her tracks.

* * *

"Hi? How was the honeymoon?" Sebastian asked hesitantly, asking simply to be polite, a trait he preserved for Blaine. It was the first day of his gallery opening, so not only was he nervous about that, but he was nervous to speak to his friend again for the first time in a little while.

"Oh, it was great!" responded Blaine's voice down the phone cheerily, also pleased to hear his best friend's voice, "And thanks for the amazing send off, Seb."

"So what can I do for you?" Sebastian asked quickly, cutting in before Blaine could decide he wanted to put more details of the honeymoon into their conversation. Kurt didn't really let him call much an ymore since the engagement, so Seb knew that Blaine had to have called for a reason.

There was a small sigh from the other end of the phone, and Blaine could be heard slumping slightly, a little dejected by the way Sebastian didn't talk to him how he used to. "It's only a tiny favour," he said, voice having decreased in volume as he fiddled with the edge of a picture that sat in front of him, "I just tried the wedding video, and it's a complete disaster." The was Blaine's voice sounded so dejected made Seb feel a little bad, and his eyes dropped to the floor, his shoes polished and ready for the art-types his nude gallery was bound to attract. His photography was a hobby his parents were never too keen on, but his random picture submission had paid off, and he wasn't passing this opportunity up. "It's come out all blue and wibbly," Blaine continued, attempting to sound amused by the dilemma.

"I'm sorry?"

"And I remember you filming a lot on the day, and I just wondered if I could look at your stuff," Blaine asked, his voice hopeful as his eyes skimmed the images of him and Kurt from the wedding which were laid out before him.

Sebastian was set into panic mode; "Oh no, look to be honest, I didn't really... y'know," he began, words flowing from the tip of his tongue before he could think of a legitimate excuse.

"Please?" Blaine's voice was more pleading this time, and it struck something that he wished wasn't in his heart, and made him wince, running a hand through his hair. "All I want is a shot of us in our suits which isn't bright turquoise," he said, followed by a small huff of amusement at his own expense.

Gripping at his hair with his free hand, and wincing some more, Sebastian folded, unable to say no to Blaine for some stupid reason. "Okay..." he let out, his voice strained, "I'll have a look, but to be honest, I'm pretty sure I wiped it, so don't get any hopes up." He gulped, opening his mouth to say more, before thinking better of it. "Must go," Seb mumbled, hanging up and staring at his phone for a second, then shoving it in his pocket, and going to occupy himself with the attractive sculptor who's piece was around the corner.

* * *

With a sigh, Sebastian had a mouthful of the cereal he'd poured himself out, standing in front of the table, and staring over at the TV, which was filled with people in Santa outfits and snow. Yet another stupid cover of a song, that had been vandalised to make a Christmas hit. He wasn't sure whether to laugh bitterly at the fact that he used to sing better than that, or at how pathetic it was in general. Shaking his head slightly, the door buzzer suddenly had Seb's eyes darting over warily, a little caught off guard by the fact that there was someone there. He hadn't ordered anything lately, had he? No... The lock system in his building was a bit broken at the moment, so people seemed to be able to just get in and use the individual buzzers that had annoyingly been installed as well, so it always put him a little on edge. Still, he placed his bowl down, and hit the power button on the TV as he passed it, squinting in an attempt to see who was standing on the other side of the gaudy, translucent pattern of his door. They didn't look dangerous, which was a start, so he flicked the latch open, and pulled the handle, swinging the door open, to reveal none other than the doe eyed, short, curly brown haired Blaine Anderson.

He'd not spoken to Blaine since the phone call about a month back, and not seen him since the wedding a few weeks before that. The man was wrapped up in a scarf and hat, his cheeks rosy from the winter frost that permeated the air outside, and he beamed up at Sebastian, holding out a cup of coffee, which was steaming. "Medium drip?" Blaine asked melodically, tilting his head as Seb tried to get his head around the fact that he'd just shown up like this.

It took a few more seconds to tear his eyes away from the hazel ones which glistened as they gazed up into his own jade coloured ones, and Sebastian shook his head. "No," he said resolutely, looking down at the takeaway cup, and then just about remembering to add, "Thanks," unable to rid himself of the confused expression.

"Thank god," Blaine said, exaggerating his relief, and slowly smiling more as he spoke, "You would've broken my heart if you'd said yes."

Completely caught out of his comfort zone, Sebastian was unsure of how to react at the cheerful, _married_ man in front of him, and nodded with a very insincere smile on his face. "Oh right, well..." he pursed his lips, wishing he had more of a reign on his mouth as he shrugged and gripped the door, "Lucky you."

Blaine searched Seb's face, but upheld his smile, asking "Can I come in?" after a mere few seconds.

"Uh," Sebastian was tripping over his thoughts, trying to get words out articulately like he usually could, but failing miserably due to the presence of Blaine. "Yeah, well..." he hesitated for a second, trying to come up with an excuse, but the other was already stepping inside at the 'yeah'. "Busy with..." Sebastian pointed over his shoulder at the wall behind him, his words more of a mumble than anything as Blaine began to speak over him.

"Well, I was just passing," the shorted man said, unwrapping the scarf from his throat with one hand as he walked into Seb's disappointingly small place, "and I thought we might check that dvd you had." Blaine tilted his head fondly, a strange look in his eye, as Sebastian closed the door and followed him in. "I thought I might be able to swap it for some coffee," he said, "or maybe... some Hershey's?" the appropriate chocolate bar being pulled from his coat as he said it.

Sebastian bit his lip, stopping in front of Blaine, who was tucking his scarf under his arm whilst glancing cautiously at his coffee. "Actually, I _was_ being serious," he lied, throwing his hands out in a light shrug, "I don't know where it is. I'll have... a look around tonight the-"

" 'Bas," Blaine interrupted, his voice more firm than usual, as he looked straight across at the other, "Can I say something?" Seb blinked, mildly confused by Blaine's interjection and awkwardly looking away.

"...Yeah."

Blaine's eyes diverted as soon as Sebastian's were back on him, looking at the ground a few feet back from the boy who he called his best friend, despite their recent lack of communication. "I know you don't like Kurt," he said, his voice a little less firm, "And I know that you've been avoiding talking to me lately." Sebastian turned, opening his mouth to protest, but not really knowing what to say either way. "Don't- Don't... argue," he said, the inner turmoil bubbling within Seb almost painful as he allowed the other to speak instead, "You've never got friendly with him, but I just wanted to say that I appreciate that you overlooked that for me." The look in Blaine's eyes was warm and forgiving, like he didn't really mind the fact that Sebastian never visited for his hatred of the man Blaine was in love with. Like he was over the fact that even though each stepping stone with Kurt had been another nail in the coffin to Sebastian. Like he didn't know that Sebastian planned to step out of his life the moment he left that wedding. "He's nice," Blaine said quietly, eyes never faltering from their gaze on Seb, "He really is, apart from his terrible taste in husbands," he joked. "And it would be great if you stuck around."

Sebastian gulped, hating that Blaine had managed to see right through him. He'd thought his plan was flawless, and that watching them cut the cake, and dance and laugh would solve his problems. He'd thought that he could just see how happy Blaine was, and get over it at last, because happiness was all he wanted for the other.

"Absolutely," Seb choked out, shoving his hand in his pockets, and bending his knees slightly, so glad he wasn't the type to blush, "_Absolutely_."

It took Blaine a second, as he continued to search Sebastian's face, like he was expecting him to bolt for the door and never look back, but he nodded slowly, and smiled awkwardly. "Great." They stood there for a second, consumed in their own thoughts, Blaine's uncertainty of the other's truthfulness, and Sebastian's more on what he was doing, and how he'd managed to fail in falling out of love with Blaine Anderson.

Then taking incentive, Blaine hesitantly took a couple more steps into Sebastian's place, who followed him avidly. "Doesn't mean we'll be able to find the dvd though," he said, shrugging as he walked over to his shelf in pursuit of the other. "I had a real search when you first called, and..." Seb hesitated in his lie, watching Blaine duck to look through his collection, "Couldn't find any trace of it, so..."

Pressing his finger down on a case, Blaine pulled it outward, tipping it back. "There's one here that says 'Blaine & Kurt's wedding'," he said, taking it off of the shelf, and holding it in front of Sebastian, "Do you think we might be on the right track?"

The small, smug smile that Blaine offered made Sebastian's fight with his unusual bought of nerves rather difficult. "Uhm... yeah. Well," he attempted to come up with some kind of excuse, but found none, and threw a hand up, "Wow! That... That could be it."

Blaine was at the TV in seconds, switching it on, and opening the disc tray with a glance over his shoulder at a Sebastian who was partially in shock. "Do you mind if I just...?"

It wasn't so much of a question, when the dvd was already being inhaled by the disc drive, and the screen loaded it quickly. Grabbing the nearest chair as Sebastian fought with feelings of shock, hurt, sadness and slight fear, Blaine put his coffee down, and shrugged his jacket off, sitting directly opposite the screen. "I've probably taped over it," he objected, basically dancing around the other, and not wanting to grab anything from him, "Almost everything is episodes of West Wing." Seb was cut short as Blaine settled, and the screen showed the church doors opening from the inside, forcing him to mumble an, "Oh."

"Oh, bingo," Blaine said quietly, his voice appreciative as a beautifully lit shot of Kurt walking through the doors with Burt was shown on screen. Sebastian pressed his lips together, shifting awkwardly and peering at the screen. "That's gorgeous. Well done you," he said, smiling widely up at him, and eliciting a nervous smile from the taller man. This was when the camera zoomed out. Blaine stood, shifting nervously, and looking at the floor. The camera moved in to focus closely on how he was chewing his lip, and it caught the small smile that grew, before he raised his head. Gleaming hazel eyes focused on the camera for a brief moment, before he hesitantly turned to look at his future husband. The shot was cut into another of Blaine gazing lovingly to his side, too zoomed in to see anything but how his eyes watered in the slightest and his nervous laugh that exposed his straight, but quirkily uneven teeth, and crinkled the edges of his eyes lightly. "This is amazing,," he said quietly, staring at the screen for a few moments longer as the shot was cut to shot, all close ups of Blaine. Being Blaine though, he didn't seem to have noticed, and he looked up, "Thank you so much, 'Bas, this is exactly what I was hoping for."

The thing about Blaine was that he liked to catalogue memories. Capturing moments was something that was important to him, because he wanted to be able to remember things for the rest of his life, whether painful or inspiring. Video had always been his preferred method, because it captured the sound and the energy and the enthusiasm and the lights, and just everything. If you asked him about home videos, he would probably explode with emotions.

Training his complete attention back on the screen before him, Sebastian chewed his lip and folded his arms tightly over his chest as it cut to a shot of Blaine's eyes, the darkened rings around the edge of his iris perfectly imperfect and varied in thickness. His head turned, the lighting from behind illuminating his profile, as Seb brought a hand up to gnaw at his knuckle nervously. Blaine breathed out almost excitedly, and turned his head as if he was going to look at the other, but didn't tear his eyes from the screen. "I actually look quite handsome," he said, as if he was joking to himself, making Seb let out a disbelieving, but silent huff, opening his mouth to speak, but remaining quiet. Every shot was a close up of Blaine from a different angle, highlighting another feature each time, all of which Sebastian found to be flawless. He was on baited breath as Blaine turned to look at him for a second, before amusedly saying, "You've stayed rather close, haven't you?" finally beginning to catch onto the fact that this video didn't really involve anyone else. Not even Kurt.

Sebastian wet his lower lip, and swallowed dryly soon after, glad that Blaine's eyes were returning to the screen. His heart was prominent in his chest as it beat to the extent that he was sure it might jump out, sprout legs and run to Blaine. He took a deep breath, before raising his hand to rub at his eyebrows and cover his eyes with his palm, the tension in the room slowly winding up and increasing. It was like he could hear the mechanics of Blaine's mind ticking and whirring, figuring everything out as he watched shot after shot of himself looking stunning.

Blaine's smile became more and more neutral as he watched it, wondering why there were no shots of anything else. There was even a shot edited in of him fixing his hair nervously, and wiping the corners of his mouth. When the clips of him and Kurt dancing came up, simply showing him curling into his husband, and looking serene, it was like a switch had been flicked. He went to turn his head, eyes still on the screen as he thought for a second longer, before he looked up at Sebastian, who was now standing with his hand over his mouth, and watching the compilation he'd made on the screen a few feet away. Blaine was in slight shock, as his eyes flickered back to the TV, watching himself grin and walk along the platform to the beautifully decorated boat that Sebastian had paid for. He blinked, pursed his lips and dropped his eyes for a second, before murmuring; "They're all of me," and putting his realisation out in the open.

"Yeah," Seb said, his voice hoarse with nerves as his eyes barely left the screen to look at the back of Blaine's hat laden head, "Yeah... yes."

Both of their eyes were glued to the screen as they watched Blaine laugh and wave, moving further and further into the distance as the boat pulled away, taking Kurt and him to their honeymoon, surrounded by fairy lights and pale balloons. It was nearly silhouetted when the screen went black, the end of the sequence reached on the dvd. Sebastian and Blaine remained in silence for a few long seconds, not knowing what they could possibly say to one another, as they continued to watch the now blank screen before them.

It was Blaine who broke the silence, shifting slightly in his hair, and trying to process the information he'd just received. "But-," he started, shaking his head slightly in thought, "You never talk to me." Blaine couldn't quite comprehend how Sebastian, the direct, snarky ass that he was, could like him so much. He'd experienced Seb's infatuation in high school, and there had been no way to avoid it. Constant messages, crude lines, and even gifts had bombarded him over the time him and Kurt had been single in his senior year. That had even been the case, thought less so, while the two of them had been together in his junior year at McKinley. How could Sebastian like him, when they'd barely spoken to one another in the last year? "You haven't for ages," Blaine said, searching Sebastian's face, and finding nothing in the blank expression that was returned, "My stag was the first time we'd seen each other in months. I didn't think you'd want to be my best man."

Sebastian seemed to be set into motion by Blaine's last sentence, and he finally looked at him properly, taking in a breath, as if he was going to say something, but staying quiet. His eyes roamed the room momentarily, and he adjusted his jaw, clenching and unclenching it, and rubbing at the joint with his fingertips, before pointing at the TV, eyes finally finding the hazel ones that bore into him once more. "That was useful," Seb said, taking another deep breath and looking away, "Don't... show it around too much," the breath came out with his last word, hands gripping tightly at his own hips as if it might solve something. "Needs a..." Sebastian's word weren't flowing at all, and he raised his hands to try and demonstrate something, which he wasn't quite sure of, "bit of... editing." Another deep breath was inhaled quickly, and his eyes still avoiding the man who sat on the chair, gazing at him intently, "Look, I've gotta get to a... l-lunch," Sebastian lied, pressing his thumb into his palm as he took a breath, the strange inhalations not helping him seem very calm, "Early lunch." His fingers slid to fiddle with the cuff of his sweater, and his eyes flickered to Blaine momentarily, before they went to the ceiling and various other places. "You can just... show yourself out, can't you?" Seb said, pointing to the door, before walking away, past the TV, and hesitating. Unsure of what he was thinking, Sebastian turned around, and looked at Blaine, swallowing dryly. "It's a... self-preservation thing, you see," he said, standing still for a second longer, before calmly leaving.

The cool air was almost painful as Sebastian stepped outside, unprotected from the cold in only his winter sweater. He took a deep breath, the freezing air stinging his lungs as it swirled around, before he blew it out of his mouth in a cloud of condensation. His emotions were in turmoil as he stared blankly ahead, only a few steps away from the building's back door. He wanted to run up there and pull Blaine into his arms; show him that he'd been hiding this all away, and that he loved him dearly, but he knew it was wrong. The old Sebastian would never have cared; would have stolen people away from their partners without a second thought, but the present Sebastian... He couldn't ruin Blaine's relationship like that. Not when it meant so much to him.

That didn't stop him from turning and starting to walk back towards the door a few steps though. He walked in an uneven circle a few times, unable to decide what he wanted to do. He pushed a hand through his hair, and exhaled deeply once more, before shaking his head and walking away. He pulled the zipper up, and tucked his chin into the turtleneck of his sweater, before turning the corner, pressing his palms into his forehead, and trying to control himself. Sebastian clenched and unclenched his fists as he walked towards the main road, past a random city person. The worst thing about it all, was how he could feel the emotions bubbling within him. The love and regret, even hurt all clashing within him and making his eyes sting.

Seb turned once more, bouncing on the balls of his feet and wanting desperately to run back, to try and make things better. But he couldn't. Frustrated, he bent his knees, and dropped down, pushing at his temples with his fingertips once more. He let out an angered shout as his hands pressed his palms into his eyes, before straightening up quickly, and continuing to walk away.

The cold air burnt his throat as he inhaled deeply through his mouth, throwing his head back as he walked away quickly, not knowing what to do with himself. He couldn't cry. There was no way he would let himself cry. This was his fault after all; Blaine hadn't even known that he was interested. Sebastian's hands ghosted frustratedly over his ears, before he pushed them upwards, and clenched his fists, and turned another corner. This was going to be one hell of a walk.

* * *

The next two weeks was spent trying to get his thoughts off of Blaine, who had of course, disappeared from his apartment by the time he'd returned, a couple of hours later, frozen to the bone. Christmas was coming up, so there were plenty of things to keep him occupied, like the gallery events that he had to attend for pictures, or the clubs that had deals and events especially for the season. Maybe he could buy himself something great like a holiday and disappear. If only his parents would give him money like they used to.

The problem was, every person he spoke to, every guy he slept with somehow made his thoughts return to Blaine. Someone had brown eyes; Blaine. Someone was kind to him; Blaine. Someone blushed; his mind was at Blaine again.

* * *

By Christmas Day, Sebastian was so restless and unsettled by how things were, that he was standing outside of Blaine and Kurt's place that evening. He gulped, smiling to himself, and chewing at his lip for a moment, before pressing the doorbell. His fingers gripped tightly around the handle of his battery powered stereo, and the large cards he'd prepared. Honestly, if it wasn't Blaine, he'd be hating himself forever for making a gesture like this.

Voices could be heard inside, and Seb's heart leapt as the door swung open to reveal Blaine, who was wearing a loose hanging jumper, fluffy socks and his favourite sweats, obviously having a relaxed Christmas with his husband. "Oh," Blaine said, his face lighting up a little at the sight of someone who he really hoped was still his friend, "Hi," his mouth upturning into a pleased grin.

"Who is it?" called Kurt's voice from inside, 'causing Sebastian to raise a finger to his lips in a shushing motion. He turned the cards, holding the first one up for Blaine to see.

'_**Say it's carol singers'**_

Blaine took a second to read and process the card, slightly confused, but turned his head slightly to call up to Kurt, complying. "It's carol singers," he said, not tearing his eyes from the white card Sebastian held to his chest.

"Give them a dollar, and tell them to go away," Kurt said, sounding a little amused, and turning up the TV that he lounged in front of.

Sebastian felt relief wash over him, and he set down the stereo, pressing play and starting a carol recording of Silent Night. He straightened up, still clutching the cards to his chest, and looking back at Blaine, who was obviously trying to decipher what was going on, though through a small smile. Seb slid the first card away, revealing the beginning of his silent speech.

'_**With any luck, by next year'**_ said the first, which he left for a second, before moving it away once more. _**'I'll be going out with one of these guys...'**_

Blaine's gaze was intent as he read each word, absorbing it, even as Sebastian pulled away the card, and revealed loads of magazine cut outs of mostly naked, and oiled male models. He let out a huff of laughter, though it was near silent, and nodded lightly in affirmation.

'_**But for now let me say,'**_ came the next, Sebastian's eyes grazing it quickly, before he fixed them on Blaine with a slightly proud expression. _**'without hope or agenda,'**_ said the next card, in his clear handwriting, a small smile quirking his lips. Blaine's eyes raised from the card to search his face, one eyebrow raising slightly as he attempted to figure out where this was going.

'_**Just because it's Christmas-'**_

'_**(and at Christmas you tell the truth)'**_

Taking a breath, Sebastian moved away the front card, and stared down at the next one that was revealed. _**'To me, you are perfect'**_ was what it said, and Blaine's eyes were searching out his the instant the words had been read. Seb obliged, and looked at him back, a look of sincerity in his eyes as they shared a long look. Blaine's mouth opened slightly, as if he was attempting to summon words, but he certainly couldn't formulate any, just staring back at Sebastian, and glancing down to check that he'd read it correctly. His expression had softened, and Seb briefly bit down on his lip, before changing to the next card.

'_**and my wasted heart will love you'**_ were the words printed on this one, and Blaine studied Sebastian's expression, wanting to find something there.

'_**until I look like this...'**_

The next card was a black and white image of Nefertiti, a withered, mummified corpse of a Pharoah's wife, which summoned a laugh from Blaine, and caused Sebastian to grin back at him. He pulled away the card to reveal one which stated _**'Merry Christmas'**_, his smile settling back somehow as he came to terms with the fact that he had laid himself bare to the one person he'd truly loved.

"Merry Christmas," whispered Blaine back with a smile, almost masked by the music that was still playing to give him a reason to stay and read Sebastian's words. Taking a deep breath, and pressing his lips together, though still smiling, Seb placed the cards beside the stereo, and gave Blaine two thumbs up, nodding his head and looking down to the pavement.

It was nice to have it off his chest, and have made Blaine smile, even if he knew that it would do nothing for his chances. Sebastian had missed whatever opportunity him and Blaine might have had, but he was willing to accept that. At least, he was now that he'd told Blaine how he really felt for him. With that, Sebastian smiled once more, and picked up his things, walking away from the door with the carol singers still playing. He inhaled deeply through his nose as he ambled away from the house, telling himself in his mind that this had been the right to do, when footsteps pattered behind him.

Blaine's hand was at his shoulder, and Seb stopped, turning to look at the other as he stopped in front of him, feet haphazardly shoved into the first shoes he'd been able to grab. The two of them looked at one another for a second, before Blaine's hands rose to cup Sebastian's cheeks, and he leant in to touch their lips together. The kiss lasted a second or two, and Sebastian's eyes slid open slowly (after closing promptly), as their lips parted in a wet sound.

The two of them leant away, and searched each other's eyes, small smiles gracing both of their faces, even if just for a moment, as Blaine's hands dropped to the lapels of Sebastian's jacket, and he pulled them together, a caring gesture to make sure he was warm. He exhaled through his smile, and adjusted them once more, as their eyes bore into one another's, before reluctantly dropping them, and quickly returning to the comfort of his home.

Sebastian turned away, allowing a brief smile to curl his lips, before letting out a little sigh. "Enough," he murmured to himself, beginning to walk away once more. "Enough now."


End file.
